Photo by http://www.fotorune.com
I used to be a dreamer without any hope. Searching for a purpose of everything but never really finding it, until now. I have always lived my life in my dreams, but now I want my dream to become my life. My dream has never been more real, I can see it! It’s right there! It’s not even a destination, it is the journey and the series of moments that create a meaningful life.To come to this realization all I needed was a severe mental breakdown where the outcome was to chose life. Knowing the dark thoughts that were haunting me then, scares me more than the world ever can. Knowing that I build myself to this point from the ruins and rubble that my life had become, gives me the encouragement and strength to never stop, never settling or compromising for anything other than happiness.
I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 back in 2013. At first, I was so happy, it made sense and I finally had an explanation for everything! I thought medication was going to turn my life around but it didn’t. It made me worse in many ways. I struggled with depression and loneliness for many years, I was ready to give up at my lowest points. I felt like screaming in pain and all I knew was to drink the pain away. I was a mess! I got admitted to hospital for a longer period of time, there I realized that the only thing that is going to help me is hope and myself. When I got out I started walking. I would try to force myself out and walk as much as I could. But living in a city with the temptations and convenience that a city has to offer was hard sometimes.
So I decided to move to a nicer apartment out on the countryside. With no car and only a backpack and 5km to the nearest grocery store, I had no choice than to walk in the sun, rain or blizzards. It didn’t take long before I loved to walk, seeing the effects of exercise helped me more than the medication ever did. I had gained so much weight from all the medication and was finally starting to losing it again. From 130 to 95kg went fast and I was beginning to feel good about myself. My boy Nero and I would walk up the highest peaks, from the early morning to the evening and on that way I literally discovered photography, it was the perfect companion and addition to walking around in the forest.
It turned my focus out of my mind and into the present moment instead. I started seeing my surroundings and noticing the world with brand new eyes. You can live a place your whole life but not really notice it. Being a tourist in your own city or place is really fun!
Photography has been my tool and savior in finding myself and my dream. Walking around seeking for beauty or interesting motives, has made a huge impact on the way I think. How interesting isn’t life when you are looking deeply? Feeling the joy of a reflection in a puddle on a rainy day or feeling the atmosphere on a summers day in the park. The joy of exploring everything and the rush I get from photography. I am exactly where I want to be with my Nikon in my hands, I am present in the moment!
I want this journey of exploring the world to never end. I needed to be a photographer!
To try building the finance to continue this journey I started selling prints. You can check out my gallery where I have a few selected photos and also my Instagram @molaj84 where I post most of my photography.