No Time Like The Present


I found this tile on the wall, and the question was something I actually have spent a lot of time wondering about lately myself. Life is so fragile and time on earth is so precious. Many of us spend much time on thoughts that have no value other than causing pain and losing time from focusing on the only moment we actually have any control over, the present. Worrying about the future is pointless because things never turn out like you imagine them anyway. Another time consumer can be regretting the past, and this does have the important value of learning, but for many, my self-included it can become an obstacle that holds you back from moving on and stopping you from living life.

So I thought of a project that would get myself out into the streets of Stockholm and become a time-traveling delivery man. While I’m at the same time getting more practice of taking portraits and talking to strangers. This is part one and I will continue to update and try to make a series of this.

So if you could give a message to your younger self in only two words, what would they be? Feel free to comment, I would love to hear it! Have a nice day!

 

Micha Vlad
Micha Vlad – “Våga Leva” (Dear to live)

 

 

Under Construction

I am still under construction but things have changed for the better, I haven’t had much time to write because I am one step closer to my dream of making my wonderful hobby a wonderful full-time job.

As I wrote last time in Prison of Mind I walked around talking to everyone from big banks to real estate agencies in hope of getting a chance, and so I did. I talked to an editor in a local newspaper in Oslo and got myself an internship. I work for free, but I don’t see it that way. I see a lot of opportunities and I am so grateful for this chance I have been given. There are so many great photographers out there, and the only way I see I can make my dream is to work harder and giving everything, and it will pay off in the end.

I am so happy with all the responsibilities I have been given, and to be part of the team. I am one of the admins for their Instagram account @vaartoslo, I also get to work on my own project and an article of portraying and interviewing people in the streets. I’m also taking photos for news articles which is something completely different from what I ever did before and I got to start with no other than the city mayor. I think I was the perfect amount of nervous and anxious. Meeting the mayor and politicians have never been something I have done much in the past. I always felt low self-esteem like I’m in the gutter, I wrote in The Observer of Life I never felt part of this world. So words can’t explain the feeling this chance I have now means to me.

It’s also a great way to learn so much more about photography, challenging myself every day. Taking portraits is new to me. I love street photography and shooting situations and capturing moments that occur in everyday life is fun, but walking up to strangers asking to take their photo and telling them where to stand, and at the same time try to capture their personalities and getting them relaxed an off guard is a totally different story! The first day I went out I didn’t know how I would approach or what to say, but I didn’t care about the photos where good or not, it was just practicing getting turned down and just keep going. I have asked many people before and taken their photos, but of the situation not them, their eyes and soul straight into the camera. It’s something very personal and I want to do a good job and make them feel good. I had a great time!

As I am writing this, and eating breakfast I’m at the same time itching to get back out, I have spotted some locations I want to try and can’t wait to shoot more! Tomorrow I will cover a demonstration and a marking of building a new culture house. So a lot going on these days. Contrary to what my life used to be some years ago. Instead of waking up terrified and exhausted before my eyes where even open. Exhausted before even getting out of the bed of all the hours I had to kill to get through the day. I now wake up with a smile and energy.

Many thanks to my love too, who have given me everything. She never stopped believing in me. She is so strong who has invested her time in me, and it’s not been easy for her in the beginning but she has she has shown me my strength and I will do everything to be the best man I can be for her. I love you, Nathalie!

Prison of Mind

Shoot The ShooterIt’s a beautiful October day in Oslo and the sun is shining, it’s getting colder now but you can still feel the warmth from the sun. Not a cloud in miles and I’m walking around with my Nikon hanging over my shoulder. I have been looking forward to shooting some more street photography and the day is perfect. The light and shadows with the colors from all the fallen leaves from the trees on the ground. The kids are playing on the playground and you can hear their laughter and joy from a long way. In the park, an old lady is smiling while she is sitting peacefully on the bench alone and feeding the birds. Out on the field, the dogs are running carelessly and playing fetch. Everything is so perfect and peaceful around me but on the inside…

My heart is pounding and it feels like it’s trying to escape through my throat. I stop for a second and try to breathe and recoup. I feel dizzy, weak and scared. I don’t want to be seen. I want to run and hide but don’t know where too. I’m getting mad at myself because there is absolutely no reason for this feeling! What is the problem? I have anxiety and I hate it. It’s a never-ending fight which haunts me like a demon. I can beat it again and again, but then it changes his clothes and creeps back into my life with its brand new identity like the wolf in sheep’s clothes. It’s always there, you may not see him but he is always close by.

I’ve been a prisoner of my own decaying mind while watching the world go by outside my window. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m remote controlled, I’m there but same time I’m not. I feel more like an observer, sitting hidden in the back of my brain. The world is loud and exhausting. Going too fast and in slow motion at the same time. It feels unreal and scary. It will probably always be like this to some degree. It may get better or maybe not, it is what it is and I will try to make the best out of it. It can take my energy away, but never my dreams. I’ve had many years of lost time because of anxiety and depression.
I don’t always know what to do when I get anxiety, but I try to find a way through the feeling. It can be a walk in the woods or push myself in some other way. I tried the other day walking around from offices and stores, talking to people and advertising my dream of becoming a photographer. The first day was brutal and I felt broken and small after. I went up to a big bank downtown in the busy commercial district in Oslo. I had planned what to say and walked up to the receptionist, but when I was about to introduce myself my brain froze and words came rambling out in random order. I have always felt more comfortable with writing because I can delete and rephrase myself and you will never even know. Verbally it’s whole different story. I’m not a good talker and I know it. But that was the whole point of this exercise with walking around talking to strangers. Getting better mentally and becoming more confident with talking to people face to face. I knew this was going to be a hard challenge but it’s necessary. A challenge that I believe is going to pay off in the end with my project of getting a better life for myself. I am prepared for being turned down, and in a way that is also the purpose! I’m still breathing and it was not dangerous at all, a bit embarrassing but not dangerous.